Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
This passage has been dear to my heart over the last year. Thinking about what I was doing on behalf of our son last year, not knowing he was only moments from leaving this earth, ran through my memory over and over today. A year ago, I sat in Community group wrestling with myself, or the Lord, about sharing Mel's drug struggle. I was feeling compelled to trust this group, which was new to me, with information that I knew I needed to offer them. What would they think? Would Marlon and I be judged? How will they respond? Yet God put on my heart, "hope does not put to shame..." Not because of what men may think but because hope is in God, and his Spirit directed me to share.
What I did not know was the moment I would share about Mel's struggle, and we would pray for my dear son; he would be taking his last breaths on earth. Simultaneously two things were happening while my new trusted brothers and sisters in the Lord and I were entering the presence of God through prayer, and so would Mel in death. That is not to say I know if he died in faith, but David says, "where can I go from your presence?" How all that works, I do not know. When I think "hope does not put to shame," I know that whether or not my son belonged to the Kingdom of God, I know I do. God's children who walk through difficulty in faith will never be put to shame.
Hope is a peculiar thing. The Bible has hope in the definition of faith, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1. Many would try to encourage me that Mel was saved as a child, "so you can know he is ok." Can I? Is that how the Bible explains salvation? But what hope gives me is not a certainty of Mel but certainty in God. When I think of all the nuanced details of Mel's last days, God offered me so many moments with Mel and such great hope in God's love and mercy. Mel and I hadn't talked in years, and we spoke more last August and early September than we had in a long time. Also, God had Mel on my heart for weeks, and that yearning kept me on my knees in prayer for him. My husband, one of our daughters, and I were working on getting him a phone and looking at flying him to Texas to be with his Dad and me. And then there was the night he passed, and I shared his life with some of my Kingdom family. They poured out love in prayer for him, probably as he was dying. I would find that out a day later.
I cannot spend a moment thinking of Mel's death without thinking about how God surrounded the details with his hope. God interfered, interrupted, and interjected himself in the last days of Mel's life by letting me know he was very much involved. That let me know he was very much involved in Mel's living. Probably over the years reminding Mel of all the devotions, prayers, and sharing of God's love, his dad and I brought him up learning and hearing.
God was the hope at the moment of Mel's exchange.
God is the hope in the memories.
Hope is a peculiar thing; when it is in faith, it is a marvelously peculiar thing. Hoping in the Lord is something special. The hope of the Lord fills my heart with joy, even in my pain. It gives me peace that truly passes all understanding. Again, this hope does not rest in the relationship Mel may or may not have had with the Lord; it is in who God is. He is a Just and Merciful God. To say that another way, "He always judges justly and lovingly." Though my heart feels pain, I know I am not alone, and neither was Mel. Hope does not put to shame.
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