I jumped up because of a squeal, "That's not fair! You gave him more than me." The noise from the kitchen while I was resting in my bedroom quickly brought me to my feet. Our third daughter was unhappy with her oldest sister, as she divided crumbs from a chip bag and did not believe she was getting an equal amount with her brother. The oldest explained that she was grabbing some and putting them on each napkin. She said, "Mom, I am not measuring. It is only crumbs." However, the one receiving the crumbs was measuring and estimating the amount on each napkin and then became upset because she concluded that the scale was unbalanced on her side. She almost lost the amount she did receive, allowing herself to get so pugnacious over what she considered to be "unfair." After some persuasion, she understood the consequences if she chose not to relent and be grateful for what she did receive. The kids left the table, leaving behind some crumbs. I thought each crumb mattered, but I guess not. With a jolly attitude, she left the desire for fairness out of the equation and settled for appreciation. No, I never got back in my bed. Rest time ended.
Human nature has an innate trait that wants what is “just,” but we have conflated that with a selfish desire for “fairness.” As a definition, “Fair” describes what is free of bias or injustice; this aligns with what is just and righteous. Our problem is that we decide on fairness based on everyone being the same and getting the same opportunities and outcomes. Fairness does not always line up in that way. As Jesus' followers, how do we align our lives in faith when life is not fair, as defined by our selfishness? Fair, as perceived from our perspective, promotes people or a person over others through a bias. This kind of desire for fairness must read into the motives of others. While we tend to call out others for their choices that we consider unfair, at that moment, we are more than likely looking through self-promoting lenses. We may not realize that while calling others “unfair,” we, too, may not act fairly. Wanting fairness from a self-focused perspective derives from comparison, covetousness, and lacking contentment.
In the instances when I’m struggling with things I don’t think are fair for me, my examination has mostly come to the diagnosis of jealousy. I’m not thankful for what God is doing with me. I covet what another person has. In many cases, there is nothing I can do about it; it is obvious the thing I’m longing for has been given to the other person by The Lord. I show God I lack contentment in what He has offered me, and how He is choosing to us me. I compare their skills with mine and conclude that I could do that better. Yes, I said that out loud. Yet, I am not alone. I have learned to turn that sinful desire and outlook for “fairness,” as defined by the flesh, over to the Lord in obedience to "Rejoice with those who rejoice..." Romans 12:15.
Now, if we are looking at “fairness” from its true definition, it has a place righteously. We see the world turned upside down. We see January 6, 2020, folks being put in jail for years and ANTIFA, who took lives during the 2020 “mostly peaceful” protest, walk away free or paid by New York for the inconvenience of being arrested; we should see this as unfair. DA’s not holding criminals in jail, and they kill when they should have remained in jail. We all know this is not fair because it is not just. There is so much that is unjust in our Nation, as rightly distinguished by the definition of “fair.” Rightly fair things mean there is no bias in them; right is right, and wrong is wrong; no matter who it is for or against.
When we decide to trust God with His bigger purpose for our lives, there will be times when fairness eludes us. We must choose at those times to walk by faith and not by sight, aligning our emotions to His Word and bringing ourselves into complete submission to His Will.
Jonathan, the son of Saul, King of Israel, is an example of this. He exemplifies Hebrews 11:6, “And without faith, it is impossible to please him (God), for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” We will see a depth of faith that allowed him to hand over one of the most prestigious roles in Israel. He should have been working alongside his dad to become king. He knew God had another man anointed to this role. Not only did he surrender to God in this, but he would help that man come to the position God was moving him into.
There is a significant term called “Primogeniture,” which is the right, by law or custom, of the firstborn legitimate child to inherit the parent's entire or main estate (dictionary.com). It plays into what was fair at the time in history when Saul, the father of Jonathan, became king. Israel understood this when they asked Gideon to rule over them. Gideon responded, “I will not rule over you, and my son will not rule over you…” Judges 8:23. Also, Israel rejected Samuel’s son when “he made his sons judges over Israel. The sons didn’t follow their father’s example,” 1 Samuel 8:1-3. Israel understood primogeniture and how it should play out for those who ruled. This reality should have worked in fairness for Jonathan, but his father Saul was rejected, by God as king along with his dynasty, 1 Samuel 15:1-35. Saul remained king for years, so there would have been an expectation for Jonathan to become the next king, that is primogeniture. God had other plans due to Saul’s rejection of Him and God chose something different than the expectations of people.
While it would have been fair, in a just way, for Jonathan to desire to be king, he did not respond in a desire for fair, in a fleshy way. Somehow, he recognized David as God’s anointed next King. In 1 Samuel 18, when Jonathan met David, there was an instant bond and friendship the bible speaks so impassioned about. These two made a pact: "Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.” This reveals Jonathan was submitting to God’s bigger plan over his desire for what would be fair. David would have been a threat if Jonathan had defined fair by the flesh. Jonathan could have easily sided with his father to kill David. Instead, Jonathan’s attitude was to “rejoice with those who rejoice…” He lived to protect David from Saul. He tells David, “Don’t be afraid. My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel, and I will be next to you, as my father, Saul, is well aware” 1 Samuel 23: 17-18.
Jonathan did not only rejoice when the thing that should have rightfully been his eluded him; he celebrated and promoted the one who would take from him what would have been fair for him to have. Most importantly, he surrendered to what God would do.
The greatest role in the kingdom was taken from Jonathan, and he submitted to faith over fairness of the flesh. His story can be found in 1 Samuel. It is a remarkable story and one we can learn from. While Jonathan did not know his fate would be to die alongside his father, we must remember the Scripture says, “To live is Christ, to die, gain.” We don’t need to feel sad for Jonathan dying; his was gain. When we succumb to those types of emotions and not look to God as the Sovereign and Just, we might think Him unfair.
When you use or hear the term “fair” in a conversation, listen for the intent. Is it being used in its correct definition? That would be to see things free from bias and injustice. Carry on in that conversation. Well as long you’re seeking solutions from God’s Word and in His way.
Is it being spoken of in a selfish, comparative way, where contentment is lacking? That’s when faith is missing, and covetousness is leading the charge. Learn from Jonathan “draw near to God (and) believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” Seeking him means we are not seeking our promotion, but working to promote those he is. Then, doing that in a way that celebrates, rejoices, and understands what God sets up as fair is for his glory and our good.
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