Colossians 1:13-14 "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
There is not one person who reads this or doesn't who has no emotional scars from childhood or some relationship where they've been hurt. We cannot leave this earth without being hurt by others and causing hurt to others. These scars are easy to carry, commiserate, and ventilate to others. It seems cathartic to do each of those. Someone once expressed, "Sharing the incidents that caused emotional scars makes you "real." I'm more concerned with those who keep their emotions pinned up. Eventually, they will explode and vomit their poison all over the unlucky person who pushed the wrong button." This sounds as if it is true. Especially women's bible studies give permission to share emotional pains without setting biblical parameters as a balm to bring healing.
We live with these scars and stay unnecessarily imprisoned by them. This means we stay chained by those who brought the scars. It is easy to allow those who've hurt us to stay at the forefront of our minds without thinking twice about those who were a blessing to us. Why does the negative have more power to control us than the positive? That is me begging the question. The answer is pretty easy: while we may not all use the same words, we love feeling sorry for ourselves. Self-pity is miserable but safe for most people. It gets our attention, and there is always an audience for us to share and compare war wounds. I know many of your hurts are not minor. Some horrible things have been done to some of you. And others have caused some terrible pain to others. I am not making light of any of that, yet no matter how dreadful, you'd think we'd move on, but still, those things are held to as if life would vanish if we took away the power the memories have over us.
As a Bible study author, I refuse to ask questions that allow the focus to be on our emotions, our past, or some pains experienced. I have women who do not like me and think that I'm either too spiritual because I will not join in conversations that express how pitiful life has been. I refuse to give power or my confidence to speaking contrary to Scripture. Now, I have been to retreats and women's studies where we boast about being "a princess, the daughter of the King," or some enigmatic description with no depth of Scripture that we can hang our scars on and walk in godly confidence that sets us free. Without the latter, the titles become empty and useless in viewing life.
What, then, do we do with our scars? What exactly is godly confidence? How do we express ourselves and hurts and not stay imprisoned by them? These are great questions. I believe the answers will set us free and help us never give power to our emotions or put the feelings of acceptance in the hands of any human being again.
What do we do with our emotional scars? We must grab hold of the truth rooted in the passage at the beginning of this blog. Colossians 1:13-14 "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Your worth and confidence rest in being a citizen of God's Kingdom in His beloved Son. Jesus was hurt by those close to him. Let's talk about one of them, Peter. Jesus told Peter that the adversary desires to sift him as wheat, Luke 22:31. That is true for every believer. Our enemy desires to shake us apart or break down our faith. While Jesus uses our trials to mature us, Satan uses them to tempt us to sin. Jesus was helping Peter be watchful of things that would take his eyes off Him; Peter did not realize how deeply he would hurt Jesus by denying the Lord. Peter is a lesson in how we can hurt and hurt others.
Peter did not watch and pray and was used to hurt the very Lord who warned him to be watchful. Just as we do, Peter focused on how terrible he was after doing what he did to Jesus. While we don't read those very words, his actions convey them. He went back to his old trade, fishing, John 21:3-19. He gave up on all Jesus had taught him and had seen. After Jesus' resurrection, He found Peter fishing. He turned Peter's attention off his emotional scars, where he could have luxuriated in self-pity, and turned his attention back to Him and ministry. His reprehensible behavior of denying the Lord could have become his emotional currency. Jesus reproved him to move from being trapped in the kingdom he's been freed from and move his thinking, processing, and ministry purposes to The Kingdom of God. Peter did not go around feeling sorry for himself. He did not find those to commiserate with. He did not look for his value or dignity in others who denied the Lord. He went full force with a renewed mind and conversations that brought hope and repentance to thousands. He left behind the things that hurt him and how he hurt others, Jesus.
2 Corinthians 5:17: "If anyone is in Christ, he (she) is a new creation: old things passed away; behold, all things become new." This is where godly confidence comes from. Peter was the first preacher to declare the truth of Jesus as the Messiah after Pentecost. He went from one who would have easily set back in his old way of life, probably feeling sorry for himself, to experiencing the forgiveness of Jesus. Jesus' forgiveness gives us a new life and confidence, letting us put away the old ways and pains and become ministers of hope, salt, and light in God's Kingdom. We learn to press on to our goal of Christlikeness with the purpose of offering that hope to others. We do not linger mentally or physically around waiting for others to love and not hurt us. We do not wait for people to accept us; when they don't, we capitulate our godly confidence for the measly crumbs they offer. We don't need to be seen in ways that will please other humans. Our confidence is formed in godliness and living to please and obey our Lord. That is where those seeking hope will find us attractive and want what we have.
We never read anything in the New Testament where folks share all the hurts they experienced. Folks in Scripture were so saturated with the joy of the Lord and the gift of eternal life that old things truly did pass away. Did those things disappear from their minds? Probably not! However, folks did not give this thinking a place in their lives. Their confidence was in their Lord and Savior. When Paul addresses the church in Thessalonica over concerns about Jesus' return and what happens to those who've already died, people they loved, he does not say, "I can understand why you may feel some kind of way." He did not say, "Oh, tell me how you feel?" He encouraged them with truth, told them how to think about these things, and then expected them to adopt that truth and a new way of thinking, spurring a new way of living in the reality of what they knew.
As Psychology has infiltrated our world with its antithetical remedies for our souls, many well-meaning Christians have fallen for the deceptions of this religion. It teaches us that we should handle our emotions as a separate entity from our soul, which is not how Scripture describes the two. When someone refuses to speak as a victim of others or bathe in their emotions but speaks the truth of healing in Jesus, they are accused of being fake. With a condescending tone, many say, "Folks can quote Scripture all the time, but they aren't even real." Why is offering the answers from Scripture to what ails our soul "not real?" There is nothing more real and nothing else that can develop godly confidence as the Word of God, Psalm 19:7-14.
As I walk in the resolve of godly confidence, it doesn't make me feel superior. It humbles me. Emotional pain is not absent from my life; it just doesn't dominate it. I'd rather share the passages from the Bible that have placed a hold on the power of hurt in my life. I could list the pains from my dad's rejection of me. I could repine over how I felt kicked to the curve when my mom began growing her new family with her new husband. I could go on and on about the betrayal from friends. With the best of them, I can feel sorry for those I hurt while finding an excuse to blame them for what happened. Instead, I see how Jesus dealt with Peter's sin, hurt, and denial. He called him to love Him through obedience and set his path towards ministry. Peter became a man full of godly confidence, recognizing the Kingdom he lived in and for, being a new creation in Christ, the old had passed away, and the new had come. That is where we find our confidence. As we study and learn all Jesus taught us and become doers of His Word, there is no time to feel sorry for ourselves. That is what I've chosen: freedom through repentance and forgiveness, and it's been exhilarating.
Cookie, you never told us what to do with all the thoughts bombarding our minds. Paul tells us to renew our minds, Romans 12:2. He explains how we are to set our minds on things above, Colossians 3:2. If we store God's word in our hearts, we will not spend time focused on our sorrows, hurts, or self-pity, Psalm 119:11. God's Word, Psalm 19:7 convert our souls. We don't spend the time in the past when our present life in Christ has much to offer others. We don't give power to others to control our confidence. We resolve to have godly confidence, which comes only through being in the Kingdom of God as a new creation. Christians with that kind of confidence can be mocked; yes, it is true, but they can't be defeated. They don't need to rehearse the pain others caused or make hurt an identity, giving power to the people who brought these things into our lives. Our identity and confidence are no longer owned by a dark kingdom where betrayal and shame are circulated day and night in our minds to keep us victims. We don't need to wrestle with feelings of not being loved, accepted, or seen. Instead, we have become citizens of the Kingdom of God's dear Son. He loves us and gave His life for us. He's accepted us by grace, through faith. He sees us and fills us with His very own Spirit. What better way is godly confidence established? There is no other. Take hold of it. In Christ, it is yours.
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