Psalm 61:2 “From the end of the earth I will cry out to You when my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I...”
I’ve dealt with panic attacks these last few months. Marlon and I have been busy with so many necessary things. His mom’s death and surgery have put more people in my life than I’m used to dealing with in my comfort level. People don’t believe it about me, but I am an introvert. This shows up more when I’m in crowds I haven’t created, like a party I’ve not set up but I’m obligated to be at. That’s been my reality these last almost 3 months, and I hit a wall.
Last week I was at my emotional limit. I didn’t realize what was happening; one more people activity I HAD to attend outside my comfort caused me to burst out in a sin-filled way towards my husband. I dishonored God and the man of my heart.
As I attended the event full of people I didn’t want to go to, I had an amazing experience. I got to minister, help, and love folks. The moment hit that I realized my attitude was so horrible before going, and God had an assignment at this event that my selfishness could have caused me to miss. I did repent. I asked God to forgive me. I also looked deeply into my husband's eyes and asked his forgiveness for adding a burden to his long list of burdens. He’s carrying a lot with continued work on his mother’s estate, plus his recovery from surgery.
God led me to this scripture in Psalm 61. He reminded me that I chose to ruminate in my frustrations. I didn’t give it to him, because I wanted to be angry. I wanted to live in self-pity. But that caused my sinful reaction.
God took me back to times I’ve had those outer body dream experiences. I was brought back to how I interact with my dream state person. I know you guys get it. I float above the nightmares or bad dreams or even good in those dreams, mostly bad. God reminded me from this passage that he is here to lift me above that which causes me panic. I can cry out to him. He will lift me higher so that I can look down on my emotional confusion. When I’m overwhelmed, I can choose to deal with it on my own. That outcome was ugly. If I choose to cry out to him, there will be a spiritual out-of-body experience of sorts—one where he lifts me above the panic. Then I get to look at it from his perspective on high and prepare for what my panic might want to avoid, but His Spirit wants to prepare my spirit for the possibilities ahead.
I will choose the latter next time. I know it’s not really an out-of-body experience. However, it can be an experience lifted above my burdens, panics, and anything that overwhelms me, from the Safe Rock's perspective that is higher than I.
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