Preferences

Romans 12: 3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned."

Psychology has infiltrated the Church about how to handle our lives in the world that is antithetical to our Christian lifestyle. We tend to give more time to preferences that honor ungodly teaching than how Scripture instructs. If I suggest that Scripture contends that we do not need to learn to love ourselves, many who read this will admonish this idea with psychological teachings that say, "You cannot love others, not even God, unless you first learn to love yourself." I get it; the entire "self-esteem" mantra is deeply rooted in today's Evangelical Church. Thus, focusing our "Christian walk" more on fixing our eyes on self so that self can be fixed, rather than fixing our eyes on Jesus. And He tells us to "deny ourselves." How can we refocus our preferences on God and others, understand that self is more our enemy, and fixing it will be a never-ending challenge? The enemy will gladly sit back and allow our wheels of "loving ourselves," "fixing ourselves," and "self-esteem" preferences to spin because he knows we are on a cycle of doing nothing that grows our dependence on God.

I can hear the rebukes now, all the fussing at Cookie or closing this blog. I get it, "who am I to teach against the educated and qualified who have put time, money, and energy into how to fix people?" We can learn this for free as we humbly submit to the teaching of Scripture. When Jesus walked the earth, he taught against many who loved themselves. Men who attempted to embarrass him so they might "Justify (themselves) in the eyes of men, but God (knew their) hearts." These men were full of preference for themselves. They could not see how "self-righteousness filled their hearts with evil."

We think of self-righteousness as those spewing Scripture, quoting Bible verses all the time, so we miss the truly self-righteous as those so focused on themselves challenging the passages that speak to a life of humility necessary to walk a Christian life. We think of humility as those who do so much for others. We even celebrate them as loving God above all. Humility comes first in the reality that we love God; then, we love others as ourselves. The humble understand what Paul wrote in Romans 12:3, "…not to think of himself more highly than he ought." Now, the person who does for others can be humble and self-righteous. Those motives are theirs and God's.  Jesus condones those who help others as if they were doing it for him. However, many do this as a self-promotion, not selflessly. There is a difference.

How can you know if your preferences are God first, then others first? Peter offers Jesus as our first example.  1 Peter 2: 23, "When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly." Sadly, I need to say what I am going to say. The only reason I need to codify an explanation is that Psychology has drilled into our minds antithetical ways of seeing Jesus' example. Here are my caveats: 1) this is not about being a doormat. 2) Yes, there are times to set boundaries for others who continue to abuse us. For physical abuse, justice is to call the police and let the system take over. We are never told to stay in abusive relationships, not spiritual, and especially not physical.

Jesus, our first example of loving God and others, instructs us on how this preference should look. Matthew 5: 38, "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic,[a] let him have your cloak as well. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you."  These verses describe how we handle insults and indignities that others hurl at us. To show preference for those who accuse us wrongly, disrespect us, and at times mistreat us is to be more like Jesus than anything you will learn from psychology. They will call this person one who "enables bad behavior." Simply choosing not to retaliate is not enabling, especially when, like Jesus, you are "entrusting (yourself) to him who judges justly." We may even have recourse for these destructive behaviors, like reporting them, separating from, and there are others, while still doing what Jesus says next, "43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" One of the greatest proofs of loving others because you love God is wanting the same spiritual opportunities for those who've hurt you the most. This also envelops how we love ourselves by wanting for others what we desire. I will further show how this indicates the right preferences for God and others when we want this for others and may not be experiencing this ourselves.

If we can do spiritually for our enemies and loved ones who hurt us what Jesus did physically, we are exemplifying the life of Christ and living to "pick up your cross and follow Me," says Jesus. When he washed the feet of his disciples, in John 13, Jesus says, "12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16 Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant[c] is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them." We must learn that our battle is for humility, not focusing on our preferences more, but denying ourselves because this is when we begin to live and are set free from putting ourselves first, our human condition, a condition unpleasing to God. 

We all have demons that attempt to draw us back to our past struggles. These thoughts keep us in a downward spiral of feeling sorry for ourselves and even things we did to others. We battle bad or sinful habits of anger, hurting people we love, or needing to protect ourselves. These are also contended with in Scripture. Repentance! Forgiveness! These are words that are sentences or exclamations all on their own. 

Repentance puts our past in the "sea of forgetfulness." It offers reconciliation and healing to our souls. It allows God to help us move to loving Him and others as we love ourselves. Again, this truth has been hijacked by psychology. It will instruct you, "Forgive yourself." That is not a biblical concept. We repent before God for what we've done to hurt others and sin against Him, and he forgives us. Psalm 103: 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. 14 For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust." He knows the frailty of our conscience, our ability to stumble, and the hurts that we hold to despite being told we can:

Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you: He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."

1 Peter 5:7 "having cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares about you."

Anxiety and worry are not signs telling you to love yourself more. They can be signs that you are placing your preferences out of order. When our lives become more our concern, it takes away God's hand to care for those things that ail us as his own. He allows misery to bring us to humility, which helps our eyes to focus on who they should be. His Son is the proper placement of our preferences; obeying him is how to love him first. 

Forgiveness and the desire to reconcile relationships show we've made loving others and esteeming them higher than ourselves a preference. The world tells us to forget about those who have hurt us. It also says, “Forgiveness is not about them, but so that you are set free.”  Another self-actualized disorder that makes preferences all about me. The Scripture tells us reconciliation should be our desire because it imitates God’s desire for the human race. We are also told forgiveness is about the ability to be forgiven by God.  That is why we do it.  We forgive because he has forgiven us.  Another reason we do it. Romans 12:18 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."   This verse instructs us to do what we can, while it is not always possible. Jesus taught in Matthew how much more important these relationships are than our worship. "23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." It is not that Jesus doesn't want our worship, but he wants the right relationships as our hearts desire so that our worship is not impacted.  Right relationships are with Him first, then with others. 

Nothing in Scripture speaks of healing our inner child, working on our self-esteem, or learning to love ourselves. Scripture is antithetical to all those concepts.   Scripture teaches that all our preferences should be towards God and then others. Many came to Jesus "justified in themselves," in other words, "loving themselves" so much they looked for him to affirm them in this way. He never does. He always pointed them away from themselves. Luke 10, where Jesus points out loving God and others, the motive of the man asking was self-aggrandization. "25 And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" 26 He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How do you read it?" 27 And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." 28 And he said to him, "You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live." 29 But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" You know the rest of the story or can read it later. This man wanted Jesus to pat him on the shoulder and tell him how good he was doing. It didn’t happen!

My prayer for those who read this blog and all who truly are Jesus' disciples is that we begin to decipher between the truth of Scripture and the lies the world tells us. The lies sound great; they've even been adapted into great messages we hear on Sunday mornings. They are elaborated on in Christian counseling. They are encouraged in bible study groups and shared by a well-meaning believers as they listen and desire to help a hurting friend. They are still lies. 

Until God is our first and foremost preference and others are our second, we will spin wheels in the happiness department. We will struggle to experience true and lasting joy through God's Spirit while not obeying the King. As Tara-Leigh Cobble says in her devotion, The Bible Recap, "He is where the joy is." And that will only be experienced as we obey Paul, "I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment." This is to "deny yourself," contrary to all the world, self, and psychology teaches. These preferences find true freedom to finally live and become a friend of God and view others through the love that sent God’s Son to the cross.

I will end with verses that, if meditated on, can start the freedom of understanding the gift of a sound mind God desires for His children: Soundness of mind is found in loving God and then others.

Psalm 19:7 The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; 8 the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; 9 the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.10 More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.11 Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them, there is great reward. 12 Who can discern his errors?  Declare me innocent from hidden faults.13 Keep back your servant from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then, I shall be blameless and innocent of great transgression. 14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.