Proverbs 14:10: "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."
I discovered this verse in Proverbs years ago when I was in a deep well of pain. Some who experienced a similar circumstance said, "I know how you feel," others intoned, "I understand what you are going through," I studied to discover what is being taught from these simple but powerful words. Did those who shared those words really "know how I felt?" Could they truly "understand what I was going through? I will answer those questions closer to the end.
From chapters 10- 30 in Proverbs, there are many pithy diagnoses made as Solomon observed life and offered conclusions to his son. These offer God's people wisdom until Jesus returns. These aphorisms are not promises. They embody general truths. No matter how many of them we'd love to claim as promises, they are not. You don't want to set yourself up to become disenchanted when your view is disabused eventually. Living in light of the observations made while leaving God to bring about the conclusions that give Him glory is better. Those outcomes may be different from the wise sayings conclusions.
I've written before about how our trials are meant to test us, grow our faith, and grow the faith of others. Scripture expresses these truths. I've also expounded on the reality that after we have gone through hurt and pain and received the comfort of The Lord, we are given the privilege of sharing His comfort with those who hurt. Sharing hope through a similar circumstance is not to communicate how God brought you out but how He walked you through it. That is an important distinction.
We all process our feelings differently. Two people can have the same experience and have completely different emotional responses, even if they feel some of the same emotions. Emotions foment from different aspects of what we have gone through or are going through. It is never wise to promise the outcome you've experienced to someone going through the same thing. Our outcomes may not be the same, and that doesn't always speak concerning our faith. God's glory might have a reason for different outcomes in two lives facing similar situations.
Bitter circumstances are not faced the same, though they look similar. Joys can be experienced differently also. The hope offered by someone having faced a shared pain is to offer the closeness of God, the hope of Scripture, and the peace He offers that surpasses our understanding. Those will remain similar for God's children. Those are promised to those who love God. Those who are citizens of His Kingdom. He does not abandon us, whether through hard or normal life conditions. These are some things we can contribute to those who require comfort. Our presence, financial aid, meals, or whatever is necessary cannot be absent from how God uses us to comfort others. I know I haven't answered my earlier questions yet. Those answers are still coming.
Remember, I started by explaining how Proverbs are not promises but general observations of life. What, then, do we do with Proverbs 14:10? We understand that humans going through similar circumstances may face them differently. We realize we may have completely different outcomes based on what works for the good of those who love God and His glory. We don't comfort others by the expectation of seeing the situation work out the same as it did for us. Here is the answer: I have found in life's hard times that those who come alongside me, especially those who did experience a similar circumstance, hold me and say, "Honey, I understand what you are going through," was not absent the comfort my heart needed at the moment. Do they understand what I am going through? Maybe they did, and maybe they didn't fully. The fact that they took the time to share their heart and be there for me made them "understanding" of less significance. No one experiences emotions the same; while they might have been able to understand what I was going through, they likely did not know how I felt.
Here's the caveat: I understood I'd have to walk my own bitterness and experience my own joy, even with one of God's children by my side. You will have to as well. The emotional battle will be yours alone to get through. But walking it out with others is a partnership given to us from heaven. There are no promises of similar outcomes, yet there's a calm that knows others have gone through the same kind of situation, and God's comfort to them can become yours in your bitterness or joys. We can rejoice that God gives us others to walk alongside, even if they cannot truly share our emotions. Those are ours to offer to God.
Comments